The beginning of the end...

March 25. 2011 5:51p.m.

Dear Ex-husband,

Besides the everyday reminder of the children we had together I will always remember how I allowed you to walk into my life.

At first my gut told me to leave you alone but my teenage hormones over powered my better judgement. You were polite, well fit and romantic. For my birthday you sent a bouquet of flowers with a single rose in the middle to my job. The ladies were jealous and I loved it. You followed up with my favorite meal, steamed broccoli, baked potato and a steak well done, with a side of A1 Steak Sauce. Over the years you trained my pallet to enjoy my steaks medium rare. Thank you!

The relationship was going well. We dressed in identical outfits, went on our first cruise together (with your mother of course) and we expierenced a number of "first times" together. Thank You.

You were the first boyfriend who didn't run away from me when I started to love you...deeply. To be honest, I was so scared and wanted to run in the other direction. However, you asked me to stay and I did. When you decided to head off to the military you asked me to stay with your mother, who you were concerned about having another heart attack while you were away training to serve our country. I agreed. You're welcome.

We both know your mother didn't like the idea of us being together. "You're taking away my only son, my only biological child," she'd say. Yes, you were, and probably still are a mama's boy. 

Your clingy mother never stopped you from marrying me and starting a family. Despite all of your mother's passive aggressive hurtful ways you and I worked as a team except when it was time for you to defend me when she tried to break my spirit.

As time and distance grew your mother became the least of our problems. Insecurities, infidelity, physical and emotional abuse crept into our universe. You were my world and I revolved around you. Eventhough we had two children together I always put you first. I hate myself for doing that. Our children should have come first. I know better now.

Five years into our marriage you came to me and said you no longer wanted to be married. I begged and pleaded that I would be better wife. Truth is, I should have let you go at that point. I regret that I didn't. 

Shortly after, you asked for a threesome with another man. I chose to make you happy and went along with it. You should have seen your face when you were watching us, in our bed, as he was giving me pleasure and I was enjoying it. You freaked out and left the room. You should have seen my face when I realized that the sound of moist lips slurping, kissing and sucking was you pleasing him. You both were enjoying it a little too much for me. I freaked out and left the room. The managetois continued for months with and without you. Yes, you knew that he and I were sneaking around on his wife, who happened to be my best friend at the time. I am sorry that I ever told you. I know that you had your alone time with him. You didn't have to tell me because I could see it on your eyes when he came around.

I thought that if you asked me to have sex with someone else you would cheat on me so I agreed that we should have an open marriage. You ended up falling in love with the school teacher when you were on deployment in Malysia. You even brought back the video of you caressing her body, kissing her olive skin, and giving her oral pleasure. The way she quivered from satisfaction and the way you talked about her made me realize that I had lost you, or atleast part of you. I didn't fall in love with anyone when I was having my fun while you were away. You didn't like that I  was doing the same thing you were, so you started to treat me different. You took me off of the pedastal you made for me. We both agreed to stop this sexual madness.

I chose you instead of leaving when I found out that you may have gotten another woman pregnant. To be honest, I had no right to be angry given what took place leading up to your six month trip to Okinawa. But when you told me that the baby could be our managetaoi partner because you had a threesome with him again, I was livid.

You have no idea what it was like for me...keeping an "I am okay face" when people would come over. Deep down I wanted to die because I couldn't believe that you told me to stop our sexual escaped but you were still having your fun with someone new and with him. I have no idea where my mind would be today if those test results would have come back stating that you were 99.9 percent the father of that child. All parties envolved knows who the father is. She looks just like him. Too bad he asked someone else to take his paternaty test for him. She'll never know her father... He made sure that you and I were no longer part of his life. His wife and I are no longer friends because of this. It was a risk I had to take telling her the truth about what happened in Japan. If only she would have taken a look at the picture. If only she accompanied him to get the paternaty test done. She would finally believe that her husband was 100 percent not innocent like he tries to be as he hides behind his USMC Officer uniform. 

So there you have it, the real reason why our love faded and how our marriage began to fall apart. Everything else after that just fell into place. If you are up for it I will continue this letter another day. For now I hope you take the time to refelct and take the opportunity to respond. I know there are always three sides to every story. Yours, mine and the truth.

Sincerely your Ex-Wife...

*This letter was never sent...